Once Again
by RJMoonspell4
Summary: Starts at the end of S3, neither of the characters are dead however they aren't safe.
1. And so it begins

_I don't own the OC; or either of the actors... _

_And so it Begans…_

He looked to his side and saw the last thing we wanted to see, the thing he feared the most…her body saying goodbye to life, he could feel her breathing getting heavier, shorter by the moment. The smell of leaking gasoline and fire, made him come back to reality. He pulled himself out of his seat, then pulled her close to him, while unbolting her, he took her in his arms and started walking away from the car, a few seconds later he could hear a blast, pieces of metal hitting the ground behind him, a huge blast as each piece hit the road.

He kneeled in the distance, when his knee collapsed, he couldn't walk anymore, laying her body in the cold road, with all the care and love he had for her. He took a second to proceed what had happened, Volchox had driven him out of the road, leaving him with one pale, almost lifeless Marissa in his arms. He took a deep sigh and looked her in the eyes, they were so blue so full of life, still he saw the fear, the scared girl that she used to be and that she was turning into someone a lot more strong.

She wasn't afraid; as she manages to pull out a smile. When she saw the sadness, the anger, the lust, the fear that was growing in his eyes, but most of all she saw the love that they shared and that it was stronger than anything. She could sense things where going to be hard for them, she wasn't sure if she would make it, through the night. Like a whisper she heard is voice.

_Marissa, I will go get help?_

_No…please, stay. I want you here_…. She mumbled with a face of pain, because in that moment, she felt like a knife rolling inside her stomach, making her hurt. Then she slowly closed her eyes.

_Marissa please don't… Wake up_. Was all he could let out as her bodies loosen up, her eyes closing so slowly and her mouth trying to speak… _I love you_, Marissa Cooper, he left out so fairly, so weak, like a wind in a star sky, he wanted to scream, know why this life was so unfair, then something made him turn is head to her, her hand was holding his, her fingers where entwined with his, and she squeezed it, very weakly but he felt it and that was all he needed, he struggled with his jeans, to get his cell phone out of his bruised knee, dialing 911 as fast as he could, it was only a second between the minute he called and someone answering, for him it felt like one eternity.

_911, what's your emergency?_

_I need one ambulance to A32_… he scanned is surrounds looking for a place he knew…_near the tunnel, below interstate 4… I think she might not make it_.. he lets it out as his eyes become watered. And a huge pain across his chest, like his heart would blow out and never become all again.

_All right, sir. we will send it right away_.

Ryan P.O.V.

_Every second his like a minute, every minute like one hour, when the ones you love are in pain, despair takes over you, as you sense that there is nothing you can do. There is nothing worse than feeling helpless, even saying a bad joke, at the most inappropriate moment, can make someone laugh, but being like this doesn't, he rather be beaten up, that letting this happen to her, why her, why not Trey, Volchox, someone who didn't deserve the chance they got…_

Ryan felt her body relax one more time, her eyes where now closed, her breast wasn't moving, he could feel himself getting numb, and his body collapsing on his own knees, keeping his arms around her, pulling her close to him…. And then it all was dark….


	2. Chapter 2

The constant beep of the machine, pulled her into reality creating a headache, making her eyes open very slow, the light of the sun, making hard to see him, making her eyes close, suddenly the light was blocked and the woman made her way to him, every thing was blurry, as her eyes still where getting used to the light and the tears that kept on running the women hand gently stroke his, she could feel his soft skin on his, somehow a smile seemed to spread across his lips, making the women give a deep sigh.

_I know you are sore. But it's been a while and no one as moved, everybody is frozen in time. Every one seems to be living in this hospital, just waiting for both of you to come to life, to makes us smile once more_… One tear starts rolling from her eyes, making the way from her cheeks, into his hand. She didn't mind anymore, she had to let it all out, the pain that kept growing inside her chest was too much to keep inside, so without stopping herself, she kept going… _I know we didn't start with the right foot, that I judge someone that was in so many ways like me, strong, stubborn and willing to face anyone for one person that you barely knew. I know people put a lot of fire between you and her, but, although I might not say it, I envy her because she believed in you and you loved her more than anyone was willing to admit even the both of you. You share the kind of love that is meant to last, sure it may come physically strong, but emotionally you both where stronger, just remember……. united we stand divided we fall. _

She still wouldn't open her eyes, it would hurt to much to look around and realize that there was nothing she could do, as the memories came crawling back to her, making her wish that nothing was real, that he wasn't hearing those words…

_I also know that life wasn't easy for you, nothing was ever given or granted, that is way you did the best you could, to not let anything slip away, that need to control everything and the thing I'm more impressed, letting her go, so she could learn with her mistakes, I'm proud of you but you got to wake up soon, there is a life waiting for you, there are people waiting for you, please come back_… she couldn't stop the tears from falling harder, and stronger… _You know we always wanted a son, that was like mine and Sandy's character, I know we have Seth, but he is the part ironic, sacarms, joke part of me and Sand , he his the "normal kid" with the normal parents that got almost everything he wanted, except the older brother that he deserve. That is you, I know even he doesn't say it that both of them admire you as a brother and as a son. I know this isn't easy but I got to ask you, are you going to wake up soon, the doctors say you have been dreaming and that you can listen to us as we talk to you_… _I wish this was easier, this wasn't meant to happen, why the both of you_…. _So I just wanted you to know that I'm thankful for sending me to rehab last year, and that we are here for you, you are family and we could never let you go_…. Just as she stopped talking, she could hear the machine miss a beat, like he was holding his breath after she had spoken..

In the other room there was only silence, one sobbing red headed woman, cries by the bed side as one hand rests on her shoulder, she slowly turns around, holding the two persons that had come to her. They all breakdown into one helpless cry, for the first time in almost 4 years that were acting like a family, but a family with less one member, as her body lay there in the bed next to them, she always seemed so strong, sure she was the best of both of her parents, stubborn, strong liker her mother but with her fathers heart. And they couldn't stop crying for the daughter that lied there so weak, for the sister that she was meant to be. But right now no one knew how to be strong, no one cared what the world would think of them, they were a family sure one strange family as there was one mother, two sisters that missed the third sister, one father that missed his daughter, while trying to comfort the other one.. They surround her, every one with her gaze in her fragile frame, breathing as the machine kept beeping, the tears falling from their eyes, the fear and the lump across their throats, making them dread every moment. Making them wish this was all just a dream, one awful nightmare… Then for a second the beep stopped, their breath was on hold and no one deared to speak, just silent tears runned free, and the tension disappear when the beat return, constant again….


	3. Chapter 3

_When two hearts miss a beat…._

Reverend, Reverend,

Is this some conspiracy?

Crucified for no sins

Put an image, beneath me

What's within my plans for life

It all seems so unreal

I'm a man, couldn't have feel this world

Left in my misery

His blue eyes, looked around, nothing of this surroundings where familiar, he knew he was at the beach, he could see the sea ahead of him, the waves bathing he sand in witch his bare foot were. In the distance he could see something very familiar, the life guard stand where he and Marissa spent so much time, just holding to each other. He makes his way to the life guard, every step harder than the one before, his breath heavier and heavier. As he let his body against the wood structure, he let his eyes close for a moment, all kind of memories came across his mind, every single one of them, since memories of his childhood to the moment when the car was pushed outside the road, he let his head rest there, still trying to figure where he was, as his life passed in front of his eyes… as the memories of her, lingered in his head

The reverend he turned to me

Without a tear in his eyes

Nothing new for him to see

I didn't ask him why

I will remember

The love our souls had

Sworn to make

Now I watch the falling rain

All my mind can see

Now is your (face)

Then he open his eyes and saw that the sky was now a mirror, and he could see something that really gave him the creeps, Kirsten crying without control , Sandy and Seth coming from behind and holding her, trying to be strong for each other, while is own body layed peacefully in the bed by her side, like there was no life in him… maybe there wasn't. Has he realized that is was some place, not among the living, then the vision changed and then he saw, his worst fear, as Julie, Kaitlin, Summer, Jimmy, Neil, all where around Marissa body that was a few rooms down from his, a tear started falling from his eyes, making the day turn into dark, full with clouds, and as his tears started to fall, so did the rain, like this place was mimic him… he saw someone in the distance and he knew it was her, his heart stopped…

Well I guess

You took my youth

And gave it all away

Like the birth of a

New found joy

This love would end in rage

And when she died

I couldn't cry

The pride within my soul

You left me incomplete

All alone as the

Memories now unfold

Believe the word

I will unlock my door

And pass the

Cemetary gates

She open her eyes, taking a while to understand where she was, the beach was empty, no one was there except for a guy surfing, like there was nothing more to do than surf. She took a while to realize why there was only she and him, and then she saw him come closer, and realize that this was weird, was she dead? Was all that she could think while Johnny came closer and closer.

"I forgive you, it wasn't your fault, and no one can tell who will love and who will love you back… I just hope I wasn't so stupid to drink and fall from that cliff. It was my fault and no one else, tell Ryan that it wasn't his fault either… and tell Kaitlin that it might have worked if I had took the time, and forgotten you"…Then he disappear, and she saw the last time she was happy, right before the crush, the four of them having fun in the model house, funny how they drifted so much and in that moment where all together, doing what they should had done since 3 years ago, getting ready for some of the best time of their life's. Enjoying the summer…

Sometimes when I'm alone

I wonder all aloud

If you're watching over me

Some place far abound

I must reverse my life

I can't live in the past

Then set my soul free

Belong to me at last

Then it all faded and the sand beneath her feet, revealed the hospital room where everyone was lying expecting for her, she could see her mother, Kaitlin, Summer, Jimmy, Neil, hugging each other, silent tears falling from their eyes, she could see her body there peaceful, making her want to smile.

Then her mind wonder to two people, showing her where they where and how they where

She could see Volchox doing another line in a mirror, trying to numb the pain, which was evident in his eyes, she knew that in some way it was her fault, but she couldn't be with him, she had her life to live…

Through all those

Complex years

I thought I was alone

I didn't care to look around

And make this world my own

And when she died

I should've cried and spared myself some pain...

You left me incomplete

All alone as the memories still remain

Then she thought about the person that put her ahead of himself, that saved her so many times before, all the memories remain, as she looked around that room to try and see where he was. But he was no where to be found, not physically she didn't see him, but she could hear a heart beating very weakly in the distance followed by some sobs, so she follow the beat only to let herself fall, at what she saw

The way we were

The chance to save my soul

And my concern is now in vain

Believe the word

I will unlock my door

And pass the

Cemetary gates

A room away Kirsten, Seth and Sandy tried to be strong as one pale, lifeless, small Ryan was in a bed, all sort of tubes coming from his body, she just shook her head in despair, this wasn't to happen, she tried to reach for him, trying to shake him, giving a glimpse of life, but she couldn't, every time she tried her body would just pull away from him, so she couldn't reach him…

The way we were

The chance to save my soul

And my concern is now in vain

Then the image changed, and she was seeing the life stand, under a heavy rain, and someone sitting there, then her heart stopped.

Believe the word

I will unlock my door

And pass the

Cemetary gates

Gates...

Song: Cemetary Gates by Pantera


	4. Chapter 4

_How to tell the truth…. _

Later that day Sandy had come to his regular visit of Ryan, and one of the nurses had told him that Marissa wanted to talk to him. He went to know on Ryan's current state, but as the doctors had been saying in weeks, he was stationary, there was no reason for him not wake up, and any further damage only when he woke up, would be revealed.

Marissa had just woken up, the medication really was messing with her head, mostly with her sleep, she felt tired all the time, she struggle to keep her eyes open, the fact that she couldn't move from the bed didn't help either, she could feel her entire body, but the doctors didn't allow her to move, so she could only move her head, beside some movements of her body, now she was only waiting for Sandy to arrive, she knew the moment would come and she dread it, because of the judgement he would do of her, of him, but there was no other way to deal with this.

After a while, she heard a knock on the door, she wanted it to be Sandy, but with all the emotions that where running on her, she also didn't feel like facing it.

_Come in_… She let out in a deep breath. Waiting to see what the door would reveal. As Sandy came entering, she turned her gaze at the window like trying to find the strength to tell him, and then back at him. He could see by the way she looked at him, that whatever it was it wouldn't be one easy conversation.

_Please Sandy lock the door. I want to tell you something that can't leave this place_.

_All right_. He said with a concerned look on his face.

_You know I'm happily married, and that my wife is a hootie. _

This somehow manage to pull a small laughter between them, assuring her that he would understand what she was doing, not that he would agree with it, with their actions but that he would not judge her.

_Sandy this isn't easy… It's the reason why I and Ryan are in here? But before I go on,_ _how is he_?... the concerned tone she used, told Sandy all he needed to know, she was really concerned about him, after their story, he wasn't surprised.

_He's holding on, the doctors don't know the extend of his injuries. Apparently his fine but they may come some complications, when he recovers_… He said without a smile, his eyes searching something to meet his gaze, trying to prevent the pain of showing… _anyway what did you want to talk about? _

Her mind was no where to be found, the fact that she was almost all right, that the doctors were sending her home and he still would be here, inside that room, without realising that he was freezing everybody life.

_Where do I start? _

_At the beginning, it's always a good place… _

_Where did it start… do you remember my date for prom, Kevin _(that seemed a good place to start, allowing something's to be left behind)_, well he is quite a popper, I knew he wasn't good, but there was a time I wasn't really thinking, so in order to make a long story short, he stole the money from Taylor, Ryan went to find him and get the money back… _

By now Sandy was slightly worried, he knew Ryan had a temper and didn't like Volchox, he had told him that a couple of times, specially since Sandy decided to put one eye on him, after the guy kidnapping Marissa. He was going to open his mouth to say something, but instead just nod for her to continue. She saw him allowing continuing, like he knew what she would tell him

_He got the money back, and then Kevin said something, that_… She trailed off in tears, her voice getting trapped in her troth.

_Let me guess something about you? That boy can take a lot of crap, but if they mention you, he just doesn't take it well, I know. _

_So I think he totally lost it, because he told me he had beaten the crap out of Volchox. _

_He must have said something really bad, but continue… _

_Well, Ryan called me, I don't know why? _

_I think it's obvious_… Sandy mumbled, but lucky she didn't heard him

_Anyway we found Volchox at one hospital, and they made some kind of deal, Volchox needed the money and had to steal a car, so he blackmail Ryan, into going with him to steal the car, witch Ryan did a few nights ago. _

Sandy let out a deep sign, like he was disappointed with Ryan, it was because of a car, that he had made a life for himself, and now was about to lose it because of car. Marissa realizing what Sandy was thinking, put a hand upon his, and assures him of one thing.

_He did it, to not disappoint you, he never got inside the stolen car, he just drove Volchox there, then he met me at my house and we talked, everything was fine, until the day I left…_She tried to regain some composure, this next part wouldn't be easy to say to Sandy she knew he wasn't happy with what he was getting, he thought Ryan was better than that, every since the beginning, but now he was wondering, she put her hand on his, giving him a little squeeze, to let him know is judgment at the beginning was right, Ryan was better than stealing a car

_That was the day that Volchox, got another hold of Ryan, something had went wrong and he needed money. So I gave him this necklace that my mother had given me, I went with him, Volchox wanted to talk to me, but we just drove off, and thought he was gone for good, until_…

_Untill he show up in the highway, trowing you outside the road…_ Sandy said, figuring how they went downhill.

_Yes_… She said completely broking down, tears falling freely down her face, her hands hiding her face, this was one of the moments of witch she wasn't proud, and she didn't even told the all story, this moment hurt not because they had the accident, but because. Her stupidity had driven her friends far once and now send the one she loved into a coma.

Sandy made his way to the edge of the bed, pulling her into a hug, feeling her body all shaking, sobbing he just hold her until she was all right.

_What do we do now?_ She asked him, she knew for more that she wished things weren't like this; they would need to tell the truth otherwise things would be complicated… On the other hand, this was Newport, Marissa Cooper and Ryan Atwood, when weren't things complicated.

Sandy pulled himself together, made his way to the window, he knew Ryan's future was on the line, the only way was a soft judge, but with Ryan's background, he would need to pull quite a trick to make this work.

_I won't fool you, or come with hot cloths… it's bad, I don't know to what point, but, the best way is to tell the truth, as anyone come to you? _

_Yes, two policeman, where here early today. But I told them that my medication was too strong and I needed to rest_.

_All right. Now if you excuse me. I'll make a phone call. Do you think you can tell that story again? _

_Sure… but not today. I'm exhausted. _

She laid herself in the bed, she looked at her side, seeing Princess Sparkle and Snoopy holding a heart, with the single inscription _My heart is yours for eternity_.

She couldn't help to laugh looking at snoopy and trying to picture him, playing snoopy in school, his blue eyes, the blond hair falling over his forehead, the white costume, then she notice a letter, with Marissa on it and a heart around it. She looked handwrite, immediately recognizing it. She hold it for a second, wondering when had he written that

_Dear Marissa _

_I can't believe we made it so far, looking back, four years ago I wouldn't guess I would be here with you, that somehow I would have found the love of my life. _

_When I was little I dreamed that one day I would found it. But I never, would imagine, she would be you. Guess my innocence was lost, till I find you. You made me believe, that dreams can come true. _

_Over the last two years I know our relationship wasn't perfect, far from it, I'm sorry for all the times, I hurt you, for the times when I didn't spook my heart. I have a problem, I don't trust people, not because they don't deserve I trust them, but because where I come from, people use that to hurt you, to make you do something. But I trust you, more than I trust myself. _

_I wish things where different, but, those where the things that made us. Those made us stay strong throw everything. _

_I love you, I should say It more, and I will. Happy Valentines. _

_Ryan Atwood _

And in that moment, she broke down, feeling guilty for all that had happened, maybe if she had waited a little longer, she would knew this sooner.

She put her hand in her neck, and grabbed the necklace she had been wearing since that day, and cried, for the choice she unwilling had made, by saying those things to him that night, for picking Johnny's necklace instead of his, for not fighting harder for them. Was it too late to make it right?

Sure he wasn't perfect, sure he had his temper that won almost every time someone spook about her, he couldn't help it. Sure he was impulsive and would snap out at anything, but he was trying to control himself. Now she realises that making Sadie stay was a mistake, he wouldn't work, he never would work, with their dysfunctional relationship he worked, he was able to laugh, he had the strength he needed to face anything. Know she realised how he got the broken hand, after they broke up, I must have hit the punching bag or a wall. Sure he had spend the night with Sadie, sure she had spent the night with Volchox, but the way they numb the pain was always what made them different, she would drink, act foolish, he would keep it to himself, then it eventually would blow out, hitting everything and everyone around when the time ended. She knew when he was like that it could mean the best and the worst, the best because if it was on something good, it would be amazing, but when it was the worst, it would mean beating the punch bag, a wall, anything until him or it break, normally him.

She only wished it wasn't too late to make it right, and for the first time in almost two years, she cried herself to sleep, this time no alcohol could numb the pain, no nightmare was bigger than this one, what had she done, what will she do if he didn't make it…

_How do you make it right, when you don't know where it went wrong… _

Everyday for the last days it had been the same routine to everyone, Marissa had woken up, and everything was fine, she could go home, but she rather stayed there, since the room as paid she was allowed.

In the last days Sandy had been in and out two rooms, talking to Marissa and visiting Ryan while she was doing something or too tired to go on.

Nothing of this was what they expected, the police was now after Volchox for attempted murder, after Sandy told them the story letting out the part of them stealing the car after convinced the owner of the car to not press charges, sure it had its price, a new Benz, but at least, Ryan would have one clean sheet and would be able to go to Berkeley in October, if he would at least wake up...but Volchox was no where to be found

Marissa was now able to walk, not very far because of a bruised knee, but still she manages to go to Ryan's room, she would go there every night after everyone left.

She stayed there in the plastic chair, or would cuddle in his bed; she hated seeing him so pale, not being able to see his blue eyes, she would spend so much time, placing circles in his chest, letting the tears escape into his neck, she wanted to feel his around her, making her feel comfortable, making her feel safe.

Sometimes she wished she was dead, because this way this pain wouldn't hurt, these tears wouldn't fall, and this heart-ache would leave…

Maybe this way they could be together, just this thought was enough to make her cry harder, then the memories of her coma would come to her, was she meant to marry some guy named Mark, living and dying knowing he would be up there looking down at her… or would he wake up one day, they would get married and have a little girl, with big blues eyes, blond hair, her figure and be named Ruby Kirsten Atwood. Would she ever be Marissa Atwood, the name sounded so great in her mind… it sounded great as it did on Cotillion when they where introduced to society, the outkast and the "princess" still he always did everything, so she would feel like a princess, so that she was never hurt or anyone would hurt her, he would face any one, litterly everyone, except her, she was the only one he couldn't face or deny something, for more than it would hurt him, she asked he said yes…

It's been a month since she had woken up and two weeks since the doctors said she could go home, but, she didn't left his room, the room where he was staying and fighting for his life, for the last 2 and half months.

She would just leave to shower or go to the bathroom, she spent so much time sited there, just thinking about life, thinking about their actions, she must have told him all the stories she knew, all her dreams, fears, actions, desires if he would wake up and hear her, he would know her better than Summer.

Before she wanted to go away, to be far from Newport, to be far from him, not that she didn't loved him, but because, she needed to find herself, she needed answers for her.

Then was when reality hit her… she always thought why he wanted to take her to the airport… he was going to tell her how he really felt, that was why he was taking her.. it wouldn't be easy to let her go, in his life track everybody left, she was the one that always there and then she would be leaving him, this was in everyway like when he went to Chino, cause of Theresa's pregnancy, he actually was doing what he couldn't do then, this time he wasn't afraid, this time he would fight because he knew what he needed, he knew what he wanted, the same thing he needed and wanted back then, but somehow it was too much to handle, he couldn't let a kid grow without a father, he wouldn't allow a kid to be beat up by one of her mothers boyfriend…. She knew deep inside he wanted her, he wanted to stay there with her and enjoy the summer, after all they went through, but he couldn't, two and half months ago, he knew he loved her and couldn't let her go… Sobs where now falling without control, somehow he must have felt it, because, he pulled his arm around her waist holding her, she rose her red eyes to his face, he still had the same expression, the one he had kept for the last 2 month and a half, but this was the first move he had ever made, like he was saying he wouldn't give up on her, she could hear his heart beat, steady, strong, like the times when they would sit at the life guard or would lay on the pool house, that was the same beat that always comfort her, that set the pace of their life, that beat, was her life, when it bet fast it meant something was happening, when it was weak meant things would be all right, but what she loved was the fact that it was steady. Like a rock, like she needed. She fall asleep, this night was the first one she slept entirely, this night no nightmares, no dreams, just the peace she needed to rest for the tornado that had been the last months, yes, the last weeks had been terrible, but it all had come down in the last months…

_This is the beginning of time, happier times…. _

The day began with the dark opening upon Newport, this wasn't the sun city, everybody knew, this was, somehow a day they wouldn't soon forget.

Every rainy day in Newport always left his mark, the last time it rained…

…_some one left…. _

_…someone found another….. _

_…someone returned… _

Marissa woke up, cuddled in the bed, one strong arm around her waist, she started smirking, thinking where she was, the arms seemed to be holding her tighter than before, she didn't thought that was possible, she slowly took his arm off her waist, but he just hold her close, she tried again and he just hold his grip, both his hands were entwined, around her, she clearly remembered that he had just one hand around her, last night.

_This is one story only we live to tell _

_The story we both write _

_Been so long from where we have started _

_Been thru so much than we know _

_What we can or can not face _

_In day light we fight, at night we rest _

_Together for whatever may come _

_As I lay on my bed, late at night _

_Your sweet voice whispers in my hear _

_The sweetest lullaby ever told _

_Your picture in my mind reminds me _

_What we were _

_What we are _

_What shell we be _

_I feel your arms around me _

A soft knock on the door, made her blush, the doctor came in a bit surprised, but, gave her a nod, she wasn't doing nothing wrong. She slightly blushed and gave the doctor a discomfort smile, not because her position was wrong, but because the doctor was there.

He asked her if she noticed anything different, she only told him about his "hug" and how he had made it hard for her to leave that embrace. The doctor took some notes and went to the door, from where he gave her the news she wanted to hear.

_He is about to wake up_. And with that he left the room.

_Like nothing could touch us _

_We are flying so high _

_Like nothing could stop us _

_Know I would do everything for you _

_Without asking for nothing in return _

_It wasn't always hard, it never was easy _

_But step by step we grow _

_Reached further than we thought _

_Been together for quite some time now _

_Only one can keep away from you _

_But in the silence, late at night _

_Your sweetest voice whispers in my hear _

_The sweetest lullaby ever told _

She couldn't stop smiling, it would be to good to be truth, she was going to see his beautiful eyes again, the half smile that made him so sweet, the way he spook about her, the glow in his eyes, the way he always tracked her down when they stand in the same room. Their attraction was undeniable, their love was strong, but their relationship was such a mess, it always had been… every since day one, at the end of the driveway

She looked at the window, half her face drowned in his chest, he wasn't letting her move too much, and right now she didn't care, she would be happy being trapped in those arms, like she thought to herself…_I could be trapped in this arms, in a moment called eternity_….

_Make me laugh _

_So I can forget _

_All this saddness _

_That runs tru me _

_Don't know what else to do _

_Just want to run away _

_Make the easy way _

_And never return here _

_It's not that it hurts _

_It's not that I don't care _

_But nobody seems to understand _

_Nobody seems to care _

_Been so long since I simled _

_Been so long since I laugh _

_Been so close the last time _

_I closed my eyes and held the tears _

_Been so close the last time _

_I bite my lips to hold the screams inside _

She looked at the window, seeing the rain begin to fall, at first very soft, calm, she could see the trees dancing with the wind, first a very calm dance, like a slow song when two lovers dance so tightly, so together, no one can tell when one ends and the other begins, then the trees started to move faster and faster, like the sound and the beat of the song, was faster and they started to move faster, the rain started to fall stronger, making some noise as it hit the closed window, she once again dove into his chest, taking his scent and remembering the words of the doctor, he was going to wake up soon.

_I am not the same you used to know _

_Time has made me bitter, sadder _

_Painted me black and white _

_And no colour in between _

_My mind is just tired _

_My body claims to rest _

_My soul claims the peace _

_I once own _

_Everynight when I fall asleep _

_In my pray's I hope that _

_The table turns _

_As the dices role _

_Been so long since I simled _

_Been so long since I laugh _

_Been so close the last time _

_I closed my eyes and held the tears _

_Been so close the last time _

_I bite my lips to hold the screams inside _

She fallen into a soft sleep, dreaming that he would wake up, only to wake up again, wondering how they would be, she let out a silent tear, then another, and another, she wanted to stop but she couldn't. Somehow she felt his grip tighter, like to let her know it would be all right.

She stopped sobbing, wiped the tears from her face, and rested her head on his chest, taking each inch of his face, watching his messy hair falling over his forehead, he now had a bear, the nurses had tried to cut it but the doctors said no, that could mess with him, since no one knew why he didn't woke up, and then when he woke up they could do it, they only had it cut shorter.

The day was almost over, she was getting hungry, and still there was no sign of him letting her go, she wondered how long she would be able to be there, the rain kept falling harder each time she looked at the window, the trees kept on dancing with the wind. She started looking at his eyes, seeing them slowly moving, his eye lashes going from left to right, she couldn't take her eyes from his.

_I think I am not as good as I seem, _

_Everything is just so wrong. _

_I don't seem to do nothing right. _

_I seem to expect to much from _

_Everyone, specially from myself. _

_All I ever wanted was to give my best, _

_Still my best is never enough, _

_So I fall and fall over and over again, _

_I don't know how I get up so many times. _

_Do I ask for too much? _

_Do I try enough? _

_Cause all that as happen to me, _

_As make me wonder about _

_You _

The rain now seemed to be stronger, the wind at all his strength, then all the sky was bright, but her gaze didn't move, that flashing didn't call her attention, the sound that followed didn't made her move…As her eyes where facing the eyes she wanted to face in two months, as his eyes opened with the flash that almost made it seem day.

_Every day a new battle _

_Every day a new dawn _

_Still the enemies are at my door _

_Doesn't give a chance to rise _

_Still from the ashes I return _

_For dust I shell not be _

_Death is not still for me _

_My scream echoes thru the land _

_Watch out I back _

_And I'm stronger than before _

He looked at his chest, seeing her green blue eyes, looking straight at him, it took him a while to realise where he was, but something in his mind didn't click right away, he knew he was in a hospital, he could hear all the machines around him, the fast beat of his own heart, he once again look at her, deep inside he couldn't help to smile, but what was she doing there in his bed, what had happened, he was too tired, suddenly he let out a deep sign, he blinked his eyes one time, as he got a hold of his hands…

_Sorry_… was all he could mumble

_Don't I'm not… just a bit hungry… How are you? _

_Fine, I guess… _

_Can you excuse me for a second_... she said looking straight into his eyes, she could see he was confused, but who wouldn't be, she didn't knew what he had been trough, what did he remembered and his face somehow showed a tired Ryan.

He watched her got up, and walk gracefully to the door, he still didn't knew how she was here, the last thing he remember about her was her in his arms and all going black, after that all the memories where the ones of him finding her in the beach, visiting her grave, getting married with her, this got him tired as he wondered what was real, this somehow must have shown, as she reached the door, and facing him she sweetly said

_I'll be back in a while, try to rest_… Then she came back, and put her lips against his cheek, but extremely close to his lips, letting her lips linger, while she gave him the kiss.

_Standing over at nightfall _

_Wolfs hallow to the moon _

_Dog's bark without understanding _

_The mystic of the great white _

_Humans run and hide in fear _

_Beauty of nature _

_When the moon is full _

_Beasts turn into beautiful _

_Shadow's gain life _

_Death no longer exists _

_Beneath the velvet curtain _

_Of the great white moon _

He stayed there in his bed, doctors came and go, everyone came to see him, but he didn't paid much attention, he was trying to remember what had happened, why had he been in a coma, the doctors said he could have a temporary amnesia due to the fact that he had hit the floor, and a piece of metal, from the car, had fallen on his head, but no major injuries, so it would be only a matter of time, until his memory would return and that he was free to go home in two or three days.

_The goddess walks the land _

_Servant's bend to her _

_Giving the best they can _

_A thick haze covers _

_From the unwelcome _

_Giving protection to _

_The chosen ones _

_The ones that fulfil the needs _

_The one's that understand _

He stayed there looking at the ceiling, he closed his eyes to enjoy the sound of the rain falling, remembering the last time it rained, and it had been a new beginning to him… sure he was broken hearted, although he wasn't that bad he had been worst before at the beginning of the year before, sure he liked Lindsay but she would never be her, she had taken her place, because there was too much hurt between them, sure he wanted her but he needed to trust her, for her to trust and be honest with him, and she hadn't been… He closed his eyes, now wondering about the present, he knew he had been in a coma for two months, but no one said what happened, he couldn't remember except for glimpses of those days, deep inside, something told him he didn't want to know, what was more remarkable was that Seth didn't talk about it, he barely spook, witch was quite a surprise, he can't be shut down, Summer also had been there, she in about 10 minutes could manage to give him a hug, hit Seth twice and mumble something about pain killers for her ex-step-monster, the place that Julie now took, but nothing of that was official.

_Never learning with the chosen One's _

_Never listening to what they say _

_Never reading between the lines _

_Total lack of faith _

_Such despair to repair the mistake _

_Cover one mistake with another _

_When will mother Earth claim _

_What we do to her _

This left his my mind to wonder about her, why was she sleeping with him, what was she thinking, he closed his eyes, today had been one tiring day, he would manage to handle things later, as he closed his eyes, the rain kept on going, he heard a small knock on the door, through the window he already knew it was her, she said she would take a while, but she had been away a couple of hours, why was she back again. He placed himself towards the door, but kept is eyes almost closed, he could see her and he knew she couldn't see his eyes, he watch her enter and sat at the chair, looking to him, with a smile on her face.

_We all know many things are wrong, still we remain as quiet as before _

_And watch the destruction of all we ever know for the illusion _

_Of something better will rise and pay for the mistakes we now do _

_Everything seems so far away, we seem unreachable _

_The sky seems to be the only limit, space next to be invaded _

_Will we ever succeed to achieve _

_We don't treat right whose closer still we help the distant _

_Making something so incredible _

_But we forgot to look to our belly button _

_So we never face (our) tomorrow, or (our) today _

She knocked softly on the door, she said would be back fast, but, she couldn't imagine facing him, not that she was scared, it was the other way around she was relief, because he was alive. But it was also one of the moments she had been dreading, they would have to talk, not knowing where the conversation will lead, sure things weren't perfect but that made her realize that despite all that happened she wanted him, he was the one she loved.

As she opened the door, she let out a deep sign, he was asleep, she made her way into the plastic chair, holding his hand and looking at his clean face, he seemed younger; his hair was all over the place, being the same size, when he first came into Newport, they needed to talk, but that would have to stay for tomorrow, as she watched him in his peaceful sleep. After a while she was tired, and he was deep in his sleep, she took of her shoes, grabbed the sheets and put herself in the bed, he somehow had left the same space, she had taken that morning.

_Where do we go….. _

The day once again came dark; the rain didn't seem to slow down or to stop falling, only the wind was calmer now and there was no thunder in sight.

Like the last 3 days Ryan woke up with Marissa cuddle against him, she had tried to talk to him, but, he would change the subject, he knew that it probably was worse, as he could hear her sobbing softly against him at night, but he rather do that than try and talk, he couldn't remember nothing very clear and he didn't wanted to mess thing up, he knew he had graduated but he didn't remember them being together, what happened to them. He just remembers giving her the necklace at Valentines and her telling him, that he was happy Johnny was dead, this was the most recovering memory he had.

She felt his body slowly moving, she cuddle against him again, her long leg where entwined with his, she loved the fact that despite all that went on, he never throw her out, he never said no to her, and deep inside she needed to talk to him, but, she knew his memory was damage, he remembered everything except how they acted in the last months, he even remembered Volchox throwing them out of the road, but he couldn't remember if they where together or not.

She got up slow, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, then she went into the bathroom to change clothes, she had brought a few pyjamas, she put on some jeans and a plan t-shirt, with a pink woody

He watched her leave the bathroom, he kept staring at her, the way how something so simple could look so amazing on her, even her hair was in a messy pony tail, with two lose strands behind her ear.

_Wow…You look… beautiful _

_Thank you! Do you want something to eat? _

_No, thanks… I want to talk to you _

_All right give me a minute; I'll just grab a snack. _

As she got out of the room, she let out a deep breath, as she put herself against the wall, what does he want, he didn't wanted to talk, only one way to find out, while she made her way to the food machine, she walked fast but again had troubled choosing cheese sticks or ding dongs, she left out a small laugh, remembering their conversation in TJ, the way he made her feel safe that night, when she wanted to erase everything, when she wanted to forget her life back then, somehow he manage for her to sleep, not much but some in that troubled night.

As she made her way out of the bedroom, he couldn't stop to think how beautiful she looked, and the worried face she made when he told her they needed to talk, how could he tell her, that he wish he would remember, but he doesn't want to push it, he snap out of his thoughts, letting a deep breath, he decided to go take a shower, he put his barefoot on the cold marble floor, he felt getting dizzy, at each step he could feel the room going round, he closed his eyes once, taking a deep breath, he grabbed the bed, while he regain is composure, then he made is way into the bathroom, opening the shower, for the water to warm up.

He looked himself in the mirror, watching his face, he had a little scar under his left heart, and it was the size of her necklace, then he felt dizzy and somehow got a flash, the car blowing, him falling and his head into her neck. That was how he got that little scar, it was more like mark, he passed his fingers, revealing the form of the necklace it was two stones, with something in the middle, he hold his grip on the closed in witch he was leaned.

The steam now covered all the space, he pulled of his boxers and t-shirt, and walk inside the shower, he let a deep sign as the water run down is body. He closed his eyes, and a rush of memories came to him, it was clear now. All the memories where back with him, still he couldn't help to feel dizzy.

He closed the water, grabbed the towel and put her around his waist, little drops of water dropping from his hair, running down is naked body his steps where somehow trumbling, he made his way to the bed and pulled some boxers, some jeans, and then his body fall against the bed, closing his eyes, only to see more memories, but this ones he didn't remember happening. But they felt so real, it was her, all of them it was her, he remember him sited at the bench.

She made her way into the room, every step slower than the one before, she was lost in thought, she didn't knew what he knew, what he remembered about their past or if he remembered any of the parts of their coma. She wasn't sure of how things would work out, if they would work, they once were close, promises had been broken, because someone had come in between them, and more it was hard to accept they weren't working at the time, Johnny had come too much in between, even her in her mind had given up, she now understand that, so no matter how hard he would try there was nothing much for him to do, at least at that time, he even tried to do more than he should, he tried to save a guy that was in love with his girlfriend.

She opened the door of the bedroom, to find him laid on the bed, he had some jeans, and no shirt, revelling his naked torso, his eyes where closed, with his hands under his head, revelling his biceps and something that caught her eyes, she made her way to the bed trying to get a closer look, sitting in the edge of the bed, making the bed shift and him to change his position.

He felt the bed shift, and sat by her side. He looked at the ground; there was one awkward silence between them. His head was spinning, pictures flouting in his head, he put his head on his hands, slowly rubbing his temple, still it didn't manage to get better.

She look at him, watching him change is weight, then supporting his head on his hand, he seemed a little confused, his face was showing mix signs of happiness, sadness, his gaze was on the floor. She put her hand on his shoulder, like to let him know he would be fine.

The touch of her skin, on his bare shoulder gave him a shill, making him turn his head and give her a weak smile, his blue eyes meeting hers, he let himself got lost on them.

She watch him turn slowly, after her hand touch him, he gave her a weak smile, she returned, her green blue got lost in his deep blue.

Their heads started getting closer, her hand glided down is back, while his started to climb over her arm, the other hand found the way to each other, sending them goose bumps, that she noted as her hand was touching is arms, their breathing was getting heavier, both of their eyes where now faced on the others lips, that were now starting to glow, their faces inches apart, they could feel each others breath, getting closer, getting over the others lips that where slowly starting to open up,.

Then in a moment, they could feel the soft touch of each others lips on theirs, their noses touching, very softly, their hands travelling through their bodies, cherishing their faces, their tongues slowly surrounding their lips, pushing between them, finally coming together, in a kiss that had been pushed a long time ago.

They continue their heads turning, without their lips ever parting. Their hands running in their bodies. In that moment nothing else mattered, all they wanted was that kiss.

They kept going allowing their bodies to fall back on the bed, she placed herself on top of him, her hands touching his body, leaving it read as she pulled them around, tracing the path she was following. Right now nothing mattered to her, she wanted him to take her, to make love to her, because they never had sex, it was always love.

She stood up on top of him, taking her woody, she felt him, getting up taking her lips, down and around her neck, biting her hear, as his hands travelled around her belly and her back, her hands kept pulling his head messing with his hair, deepening the kiss.

His hands pulled of her shirt, revelling her black bra, that didn't stay for long as he kept her on his lap taking it off, lowering her into the bed, kissing every part of her body, taking the scent of her apple soap, he kept on lowering himself on her body, his eyes looking straight at hers, seeing her face filled with pleasure and desire, he made his way up, leaving a trail of kisses all over her body, meeting them self's in a deeper kiss.

She turned him around, doing what he had done to her before, letting her hands play with his jeans for a while, feeling the desire and the lust in his touch, before she could remember they where together, their bodies moving at the same time, like waves hitting the beach in a winter night when storms fall. He hadn't asked her to enter her, he knew that was what she wanted, he knew by the way her body was responding to his touch that was the moment. Her soft moans where driving him crazy, making him go over board, he could feel her fingers digging in his back, her lips drowned in his shoulder to cover the noise she wanted to make, the scream she wanted to let out. After they both laid there, looking at the ceiling, without saying a word to each other, just feeling the embrace of them together, skin on skin.

They both knew they needed to talk, to try and mend their relationship, but what just happened was something they both desired and needed. Soon after they where both asleep, everyone came to see them, but left as soon as the door was open, the sight of Ryan and Marissa sleeping, under the sheets, with Ryan's arms over her was to cute to wake them up.

Feelings nothing more than feelings

Ryan woke up with the sun hitting his face; he began to frown his face. He thought about getting up, but feeling a steady breath on his chest, diverted his eyes to there, the vision of Marissa peacefully sleeping, naked against his body, just made him close his eyes and want to sleep, but he couldn't, he started thinking about their relationship and what just had happened. More he thought about things, more he realised that he shouldn't had broken out with her in the first place, but he couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't keep on being the one that saved her, she needed to realise that her actions had consequences. Then he thought about what happened while he was in a coma, every single memory he had he could remember it, then he realized does she have them? Or was it just me?

He decided to block all the emotions that were running inside, was he hurt, was he in love, that he didn't needed one answer, he had been in love for the last 3 years, totally completely in love with her, even by letting her go, he was in love with her…. He remember last night, it had been perfect, but now they really would need to talk

She felt him move, she pretend to be asleep to see what he would do, that night hadn't been on her plans, it was just something that happened, something more to ad to their strange situation, they needed to talk, they both agreed on it, and she knew it wouldn't be a easy situation to be, but she loved the feeling his skin against her provided, last night, all the 7 sins were committed, in every kiss, in every touch, there was greed, lust, love, desire, passion, she thought that was what she had got from Volchox, when the had sex, but that was nothing compared to this, this was a side she didn't knew from him, now she wondered what else could he hid from her, because in some sense that kind of feeling, that kind of desire was lacking in their relationship, she sometimes wished he would just take her…

He softly planted a kiss on her forehead, getting out of the bed, while grabbing his boxers and jeans from the chair near by, putting them on, and resting his body into the bed, covering her face, from the sun. He made his way to the window, closing the curtains, she looked at him, slowly opening her eyes, seeing the bright sun cover by the brown curtain, casting a shadow over his body, revelling only his shape, she saw him passing his hands on his hair, like he has having trouble with something or wanted to do something and was having hard time choosing what to do, she grabbed her thong, and pulled it on, then she grabbed her jeans, bra and a t-shirt, putting them on, feeling her bare feet against the cold marble floor, she made her way to him. Passing behind the curtain, putting her hands around his waist, letting her head to rest in his shoulder. He passed his arms under hers, entwining his hands in the lower of her back, pulling her against him. They just stayed there for a while, him staring out the window, her with her head on his shoulder, embracing the moment they where allowed to share, after all they went through she was just happy to be with him.

He left out a deep sign, like when you let go of a breath you didn't realise you're holding, she got scared, it's been a while since she could read his signs and right now he was sending mix signals, but as he pulled her close she calmed down. He slowly turned around, twisting his arms; without ever letting her go, pulling her into a hug, whispering in her hear.

_I don't want to let you go never _

She couldn't help not to smile, the statement he was saying, the way he was acting, so sweet, so concerned with her.

_But we need to talk… Not about tonight, but, about everything. _

She look into his eyes, seeing his smile, she just got the strength she needed, the spark in his eyes told her, he wanted her, and he would do anything to stay with her.

_Sure. But now _

_No later, this isn't the time or the place. _

She just nodded and got surprised when he closed his eyes, giving her a sweet, kiss on the lips.

They where sited one on the bed the other on the chair eating their breakfast, when Summer and Seth came walking in, that looked at them with a look of who knows more than they would share, but decided to keep quiet, after getting glares from both of them. After a while papers where signed and they where on their way home, The ride was calm and quite, except for Summer and Seth bickering over the radio station, or some other thing Seth had done.

In the back seat, the silence was complete, both stealing glances from the other.

Ryan put his hand near hers and put his pinky over her, slowly squeezing it, giving a small smile as their gaze met.

Soon after they where at the Roberts driveway, Seth looked at Ryan, hoping Ryan could drive, he wanted to be with Summer, sure they were leaving in a few days to Brown. Marissa was about to jump out of the car, when he grabbed her arm.

_Can you come with me? _

_Sure _

They drove quietly till the Cohen's, listening to the radio; Ryan couldn't help to see how amazing she looks, she was one of those girls that no matter what she wear she could always look amazing. They stayed there for a little while, just to talk to Sandy and Kirsten, put some stuff in the pool house. Then he grabbed her hand and look at her straight into the eyes.

_Lets go_?

_Where to_? She said while sitting on wheel of her red mustang.

_Don't worry_… I got it all figure out. And he started giving her directions.

_Here's were I stand _

As they arrived at the beach, she looked at him with a puzzled expression remembering, the last time they had been there, it was so long ago, almost a year, the time when she thought she would have to leave to go to Hawaii with her parents. She never thought she would not go, everything seemed to be all right between them and then it was something would come in the way. At that time she wanted them to work, to be together, after that they had promised to be together.

He saw her getting out of the car, the puzzled face she was giving, took him to the same memory, the last time they were there, the most "perfect" moment for them, the time they proof their undying love to each other, for him it was just perfect not because of the set but because it was her, for him her would never be sex, another knot in his belt, she would always be loved.

He grabbed her hand, planting a kiss on it. He just pulled her to him

_Let's go _

And they started walking to the beach, she hold her breath as she saw the same set, the torches, the tiki hut, in front of her eyes, this time there was a slight difference, the sheet that covered the floor was full with rose petals and some white roses, with a box by his side.

_How did you do this? _

_The same way than before, I asked for Seth and Summer to help _

_But why? _

_I wanted to talk to you. _

_Why here? And not the pool house or the life guard, we could be alone there. _

_Those places are full with memories, good and bad. I wanted some place happy. _

_But there was no need to do this_… She said pointing to the tiki hut and all the things he had done.

_I know but I needed to… _

She look at him, still unsure where this was going. She felt his hand on his, as he started to go inside the hut, sitting crossed legged on the floor, patting the spot ahead of him for her to sit down.

He saw her face and was starting to get afraid, of what he was doing, till know he was almost sure they needed to do this, but seeing her face, he started doubting, but deep inside he knew he needed to do this, he knew he would never completely get over her and even if she didn't feel the same, at least he would move on knowing he had done all he could.

_I'm sorry_…

He didn't knew where to begin, sure in his head was all lined up, but being there, looking into her eyes, he just didn't knew where to start, he didn't knew what to say the way she was looking at him, made him realize that she wanted to say something but couldn't for some reason she didn't talk.

She looked at him, her eyes meeting his, trying to figure out where he was going, what he was doing. She also wanted to talk to him but she didn't know what to say. She kept her gaze on his, trying to see where this would go.

_I'm sorry, for everything_. He blurs it out.

_There's nothing to be sorry. _

_Yes there is… I feel I always made your life harder, if it wasn't for me you would never had to shot Trey, watch Johnny fall in love with you and die, and most of all you would never met Volchox and nothing in the last 2 months would happen_.

She looked at him, is blues eyes full of sadness, a spark that she thought was lost, that she had seen so bright while she was in the coma was still there, but seemed like any breeze could put it out, millions thoughts running in my mind, wondering where this will go, why did this had to happen, but most of all, what is he apologizing. I want to shut him up, it was mutual the mistakes, were mostly mine, but no sound comes from my mouth.

I keep my eyes on hers, seeing the sparkle she had long ago, right before, Trey come along, At that time I thought we would never lose it, sure we had our fights but things were almost fine, we could fix almost everything. I let out a deep breath, I know this isn't going to be easy, that I'm doing what I never do, I'm willing to expose myself. I see she wants to speak, so I put a finger on her lips, if I let her speak I'll never be able to do this, if I let her speak I'll change my mind and won't talk.

_Riss, please let me… other wise I will change my mind_.

She looks at me with a small smile plastered on her lips, nodding her heard for me to continue, I just want to kiss her, she looks so sweet, but I can't I have to let it out.

_I don't know where to begin, I feel I made so many mistakes, that I can't erase. I'm sorry for pushing you… I'm still amazed how you fall in love with me…. But the truth his I fallen for you, the first time I saw you and the most difficult part was letting you go, both times, the first time I didn't wanted but I hadn't a choice, I knew what it was like growing without a father and I couldn't let Eddie do that to a kid, for more worse than my childhood was I couldn't let that happen to a kid, I rather lose everything good in my life so no kid had to go through what I went… and that was one of the most difficult things I had to do, leave you behind… I know it was you that called during the nigh, I could hear you sobbing and I just wanted to get up and go with you…I don't know how many Friday night I lost driving from chino to the life guard, it just brook my heart seeing you there and not being able to do anything, cause I know if I went to you, I would never leave you_… ( I left out a deep sign, my hands are shaking slightly I don't like to expose this much of me, to make myself vulnerable but I don't have a choice, if I still want a chance)… _I'm sorry for screaming at you, cause of Lindsay, the truth was I love you and I got scared she would be like you, cause more I acted different or careless I never cared more, it hurt me too much, but at that time we had lost our trust… you know I always had trouble trusting people and letting out how I felt, but with you, I could do that, I still can do that… I'm sorry for trey and all we went through, I just wished you could have talked to me, I know I don't talk much, and what Trey did can't be forgiven, and I understand if you don't forgive me_… (by now I feel tears coming to my eyes, I blink my eyes holding them back, her hands are on mine, her tomb pressing against the back of my hand, sending me shivers over my body)… _I know I didn't really talk about it, because that was the only thing I can't forgive Trey… I know I can forgive him for many things, but never for hurting you, the person I love more than myself, the person for witch I would gladly give my life_…

I see his eyes coming full with tears, that he blinks to keep away, I only saw him cry one time, it wasn't even real, it was like one alternative reality, and know he is almost crying, he I really opening up, I want to talk but I know if I do he wont go on, so I take his hands rubbing them and giving him small kisses on them

_The night when I called to break out with you that was one of the worst moments of my life, after we talked, Sadie show up and I left I said I needed to be alone, that I couldn't face any one_… ( I know this is going to hurt us both, for me cause I'll have to relive it again, for her cause it's a shock, nobody knows where I went after we broke up, every one thinks I hooked up with Sadie, right after)… _the moment when I closed the phone, I blinked my eyes and realized I had made a mistake ending over the phone and letting you go again, so as she entered I got out…, drove to the beach, and watch you and Volchox, my first reaction was to go and kill him, but I stopped… then I watch you two go to the trailer, I know this is creepy but I follow you and the way you got over me so fast… just drove me away… maybe that decision was the worst I ever made, but seeing that it made me realize it was right… so I got to the pool house to find Sadie almost a sleep.. then we played strip poker and I know you know the rest… All the times she was with me, I just tried to numb the pain… My desire was to go and hit Volchox so bad, then seeing you at school and the mess you where… knowing it was my fault… That is why she left, you shouldn't have stopped her…because in some strange way she heard me calling for you…she knew I would never be over you…that is what she told me the night she left, that or I would tell you or be trapped for ever with those feelings…_

As he speaks to me, I realize that he was right he loved me to a point where he needed to be apart for a while for me to realise that in some way I was wrong and that my actions had consequences some of them without repair, but I did act without thinking, thinking no one cared but I could never read between the lines, he always did the best for me, and I kept on dragging pushing him down or away, and that hurts more than anything, but we got another chance, I feel tears falling from my eyes and his hand letting go of mine to clean my face, sobs make my body shake, I'm aching I want his touch, but for some reason he's holding back, so I try and regain my position.

_You can cry, I want to hold you_... he left out a deep breath as his body slowly inclines towards her, but he pulls back… but right now I have to let it out… _the night of the accident that was truly the worst night of my life… because even when we weren't together there still was a chance I could be with you… for me to help you… to save you… _

_And the fact I felt your body against mine, made me realize that I was a fool, I was hiding from myself… you make me happy, you make me work… I know we had our fights and that in many ways we are different but I know you can't drag me down, its not you… it's my choice and my choice it to be with you… guess what I'm trying to say is…. I love you_… and by now there is no point on holding back, so I let the tears fall down my face, in almost ten years I cry for the firs time

I see him cry, now I know its really hard for him to open up, I knew he didn't open up with fear things would turn out wrong, he was though not to show weakness, and seeing him like this, I realize, that in some way he would never be over me, and that maybe there is still a chance…for us… I think he is already finish so I start to open my eyes wiping the tears, I try and gains some composure but as I prepare myself to speak, he looks at me, those blue eyes now just remind me of the sea, the tears falling, I softly pass my hands on his check and take those tears.

I look at her, I can see she is surprised that I'm crying, I bet she never thought she would see the day, I Ryan Atwood would cry but here I am. So I let another deep breath and begin to speak again.

_I know people think I'm not scared, after most of what I've seen growing up I know I would not be scared of many things, I've seen things I should never had seen, but I have and I had to learn to cop with it… do you know what scares me, more than anything.. both times I thought I had lost you… first in TJ, seeing you in that alley, lying on the floor, for that moment I would give my life for you… and after the accident, having you in my arms, feeling you drifting apart from me, and in that moment I would just rather that it was me, that all my life was taken from me, I rather had a gun at my head, the trigger being pulled than have that feeling of you in my arms… Do you know why I wanted to go to the airport with you… to tell you I love you, and I was going to wait for you… I understood that you could not be here, that you needed to be apart for a while, but I would wait for you, cause I love you… _

For now I allow my body to finally relax, as there is no more secrets in me, well at least no many more, I still haven't talked about the dreams I had in my coma, I think that would just scared her.

I look at him, I always knew there was many he would never open, to much he rather keep inside but he as just open up to me, in a way I didn't thought it would happen, I've tried so hard to have him feel like this, that he could trust me, that we could make it work that I just needed for him to open a little more. I just look at him in the eyes

_Thank you_… and I let out a small giggle as I lean my body over his, making the distance between our lips, letting our bodies fall on the sheet beneath us

This kiss is ever better than any before, I can feel all is passion, love, lost in it I also can feel his naked soul, his touch his more caring than any other time he touched me, than any other that touch me, his arms embrace me, I can feel he is totally mine and nothing beats this feeling.

We turn around in kisses, I can feel her touch, her soft skin against mine, I don't want to let her go, ever again, this time I know not even the world can come in between us, only death will tear us apart… and even death gave us a second chance.

She breaks the kiss, looking me straight into the eyes, I got lost in them, God how can she always do this to me.

I look at him, we both have shy smiles in our faces, I take a deep breath, looking straight into his deep blue eyes, seeing all the love he as for me, all the hope I can feel. I let out a deep breath, I still can't believe he open up to me, now its my time to be honest with him…

_I'm sorry _

He's puzzled face, show he doesn't know why I'm apologizing.

_Don't_… But her sweet finger lands on my lip, I know now that there is no chance of fighting this, she wants to talk, and now it's my time to listen.

_I'm sorry for making you worry about me, first in TJ, I'm sorry again, that was probably what got us together, and in a strange way I didn't wanted to kill me, I wanted the pain to go away_… my eyes look around, I don't want to meet his gaze… _at that point I thought my life would crumble down, but it was just the opposite, my life got better, because you were in it, you let me take my steps, being ready to catch my fall, and in some way I took you for granted… then Teresa came along, I truly understand why you had to do that, but why didn't you went to the lifeguard one of those nights…. _

**Ryan pov **

I want to answer, I want to go back and actually reach the lifeguard, I try to open my mouth but no sound leaves, and besides as her eyes met mine, I realize I just should listen, nothing I can say can undo the past, but it will allows us to be in the future.

**Marissa **

I see he wants to speak, he wants to explain but that I just look at him, he already knows I want to speak, we always had this kind of connection, that let us talk without a word, that let us share without talking, talk makes us finish each other sentenced. I let out in a whisper.

_I know there is no point talking about the past, its done but I'm sorry for all I put you through…I'm actually sorrier about Volchox, I know I shouldn't hang out with him but I didn't wanted to be alone and then you had Sadie, Summer had Seth and I felt alone, and being with him made it easier to numb the pain, course that now I regret it_… _I'm sorry I made her stay and acting careless with Volchox but at the time, it felt right… in a strange way I did it to get back at you, for ending over the phone; I knew it would send you over the board_… I rather not meet his gaze, his fists are locked I know he wants to punch something then he lets it go. Unfitting his hands

I close my fists, I totally understand her hooking up with someone but him, to get back at me, I stop there is nothing here to it, she is here with me. So I slowly let my body relax.

_The worst part was waking up, seeing everyone in a way happy and in the other still in shock that you wouldn't make it… it scared me to life… I love you… I don't know why but I don't imagine a day without you… because there isn't a day that I don't go to bed, without looking at our picture…. By now I start to cry, why it always has to be so dramatic, for us to be together, why we can't be happy together, be like any normal couple, even be like Seth and Summer, bickering all the time, but always together… _

By now I see her crying I pull her close to me, feeling her body against mine, doing this always gave us to things, peace and love, the embrace we share sends chills down my spine, I can feel her body stopping shaking, and that gives me peace.

We look each other in the eyes, our gaze totally fulminating each other, the kiss first starts slow but then goes deep and deep, none knowing who began it, who deepen it, right now no one cared.

They broke away, still looking into each others eyes.

_I have one question? _

She just nodded her head, as he lefts out a deep sign

_Why did you choose Johnny? _

_What?_ She lets out almost in a scream…

_Why did you choose Johnny's necklace_?

_I don't know_… that was true…. After that day at my house, I looked at both and think I hold to the one I thought I had lost, but he was only a friend, a good friend. It had always been you that I love… I say to him, tears in my eyes, that he sweetly wipes away.

_Riss_… Just hearing him calling me like that melts my heart, and I know I'll do anything for him, and that he would do the same for me, but there is still something that is bothering him

I look at her, I see her face as I call her Riss, I know I'll do anything for us to work and that right now her level of committeemen is the same, that nothing can come in between us.

_I promise you I'll never let you go. Unless is something that you want… And I promise I'll talk more to you, about me… _

Hearing him saying this, gives me a smile from check t check

_Ry all I want is you… and yes opening up is good. _

And again we embrace in another kiss losing track of time, loosing ourselves in endless kisses.

He looks at me with a smile I don't remember he owned.

_You're going to think I'm crazy _

_Why do you think that _

_After I tell you this you'll call me crazy _

He started smiling as the memories of his coma; once again hit is mind, since he survived and she was with him, he mostly thought about the one when they get married at the beach, the little girl with blond hair and blue eyes, the smile on his face, made her fall tender on his lap, her legs entwined around his waist.

Now talk!

_What_?.. he said with the most innocent look and the devilish eyes

I want to know…

_Promise you won't think I'm crazy… _

_I don't know…You fallen in love with me, so you are not totally sane_… she said while pouting her tongue out

He didn't know where to start, those memories seemed so real, like she as really there. He thought there is no way better than telling her, he looked at her green blue eyes, and for a second he got lost, like he always did, seeing a little girl, with her figure blond hair and his blue eyes. He decided to talk

_When I was in a coma, I got this… how should I call it… it was not a dream, but it wasn't reality… it was more like something of deja-vu…I remember walking in a beach, being sited at the life guard, watching time go by, being flood by memories_…

She looks at him, a small smile on her face, as she remembered it, she could cut him right there, but it didn't feel it was time

_… Both good and bad… but looking at them I remember thinking they are just perfect, and they made me realize what I always knew, that in a strange way you and me, make me work_… he look at her, seeing her smile, innocent as a child, she looked so cute, he wanted to fill the gap between their lips, so he made the distance giving her a sweet kiss on the lips…._Riss, What I'm trying to say is that I love you, and being in a coma made me realise that I don't want to lose you, the things I saw from that coma, seemed they where to happen and some of them I don't want to talk, they hurt too much, but that made me realize that I want you, that I need you… and that I don't want to ever let you go.. you mean to much to me…I_

_Ry_… she said while putting her finger on his chin raising his head, so their gaze met, she look at his eyes, seeing the beach, her smile as she makes is way to his side, her dress pushing through the sand, showing the path she had followed… _I don't think you are crazy, I also remember that, I don't know how, I know it wasn't real but it felt so real… and what scared me most, was waking up and seeing you in that bed, how I could be so good and you being there and there was nothing I could do… it scared me, I know it was my fault you being there, like that_… She felt his finger on her lips, his hand on her cheek taking the tear that rolled down her face, she felt all his love in that touch, all the pain disappear as he slowly pull her close, feeling his body so close to mine, he lets in my ear

_This isn't your fault, its mine, if I hadn't helped him or broken up with you, we wouldn't be here. Wouldn't have been in that accident_… I let my head rest in her shoulder, seeing her eyes from the corner of mine, I see the love we have, fear, confusion but I know we will make it work, this time it will work.

He is so sweet, trying to take the pain; he always wants to do this, to save me, to take the pain from me, but this pain he can't take this pain, its something I have to let out, so I let out a deep breath, and once again lock my eyes with his, seeing all the expression, but mostly I see love and a bit of fear.

_No this is my fault, I knew I was wrong being with him, but it was better than being alone _

His lips brush against mine, the desire is all there, like one envy kiss, as he sweeps me off my feet, with every kiss, he slowly parts from my lips, letting his teeth bit my lower lip.

_I know it all, you don't need to say it again_… he softly says to her, seeing it would cost her, as the tears silently cried from her eyes, she looks at me again, I just nod my head, I know it will cost her but this way he will have a clean sheet this time, if this are let out in the open, if everything is let behind.

A brand new era….

Day gave way to the night, and they both stayed there talking about everything, neither of them realised that the sun was getting up, making the last stars in the sky disappear, they both looked at each other, that night had been truly revealing, now they just needed to sort things out.

He couldn't stop thinking about not being with her, holding her seeing her, still he had a knot on his stomach. What if she still wanted to go with her father, he couldn't stand the idea of letting her go, not after what he had spent. He couldn't help to feel scared, sure she loved him but if that wasn't enough, what if she met someone else.

She looked at him, the morning light, reflecting on his eyes, the ocean turning them into a lot more blue, she saw him thinking, watching his expression chance from one of joy to one of confusion, she couldn't help to think what he was thinking, what if he was sorry for last night and the night before, she closed her eyes blocking those thoughts, after what he had said to her, after what they shared she knew it wasn't real. She lay across his chest looking straight into those eyes

What are you thinking?

Nothing…

Come on, I know you pretty well, now say it?

What are you going to do?

What do you mean?

Are you going with your father? Are you going to Berkeley?

I don't know… I know I have one year off, from college. But with all that is going on I didn't thought about that.

She tried to convince herself, sure she wanted to get away, that she wanted to figure things out, become stronger.

Can I ask you one thing?

Sure

Why did you wanted to drive me to the airport?

He let out a deep sign it was the only question he didn't wanted to answer, but he had already answer it the night before

I wanted to tell you, that I love you, that I understood why you where going and I wish you didn't have to…. And mostly to tell you that I would wait for you… at least for this year.

She looked at him, with total bliss in her eyes, she was happy, she wished deep inside he would try and stop her.

Thank you.

Why?

For being you… And with that she gave him a kiss on the lips, letting her hands wonder on his body. He took the kiss and embrace her, pulling her closer to him.

Once again they where both lost in thoughts, but mostly lost in thoughts about where they would go and how they would stand, both wanting and knowing they would stand together.

_In the beginning _

Both of them walked into the Cohen house hand on hand, smiling and laughing like to like kids or two persons totally in love, in complete oblivious to the world around, they entered the kitchen to find everyone, literally everyone, Jimmy, Sandy, Kirsten, Julie, Neil, Seth, Summer and even Kaitlin. They look at each other, then at everyone and started laughing, and then just every one started laughing also. After a while they stopped.

Jimmy looked at Marissa seeing the happiness in her eyes, sure he was worried, they had disappeared, Seth and Summer only arrived early morning at the house, and said they where together, but he couldn't stop worrying about her, she was his little girl and after what had happened, he got to be more protective of her, but her smile his concerns fade away.

Everybody started talking about college, past experience, stuff like that; everyone seemed so excited that the kids were going to have the best time of their life, the four kids's looked at each other, they would be great if they just went through it without trouble.

Ryan looked at Marissa, seeing her smiling at some joke Sandy was telling, he could feel his heart beat faster, still being here with her was something huge for him, he closed his eyes for a second letting a sign as he leaned back at the kitchen counter, remembering their first kiss, how could he relax at that time, but how could he not relax when she could take all the feelings away.

Marissa watch Ryan lean back and watch as he changed is body weight change from one side to the other, she saw the smile on his face, as his eyes remained closed, he seemed pretty amazed by what he was thinking, she felt so good seeing that smile again, and to just think a couple of days ago no one knew if he would make it, she slowly made her way next to him, letting her hand grasp his, as she let her head lean closer to his shoulder.

He leaned his head into hers, letting their eyes got lost for a second when…Pow some flash just went off, they look ahead seeing Kirsten holding a camera with a smile plastered on the face, they both just laugh, as Ryan grab her hand taking her to the outside, by the pool.

She sits rubbing her arms, as he goes inside the pool house, after a while he returns bringing one Berkeley sweat, that he hands her, then he kneels in her front, while putting his hand on his jeans…..

Marissa saw him kneel at her knees, and start fighting to his jeans pocket. She got anxious wondering what he would do, she just hoped he wouldn't propose to her, it was not that she wouldn't want to marry him, but right now the time wasn't right, they needed to deal with college, to deal with their life's, with all the hopes and fears that linger around them..

Ryan finally managed to pull a little box from inside his jeans, he look up to her seeing her face, he could sense she was wondering what he was doing, the face she was trying to pull to him was starting to make him laugh.

Don't think too much… I'm not going to propose.

Ahn?

Don't worries, I won't ask you to marry me……… yet

She heard him say and started smiling, her eyes on his, she just wanted to jump over him and kiss him, she just leaned a little forward and he fills the gap between them. Both kissing, letting their tongues play with each other. As they break and catch their breath

I just wanted to give you this... and he hands her the small box.

She carefully took the box from his hand, passing her fingers on the top box rolling them in the soft fabric, before letting her fingers open the small box, her eyes wined as she saw the necklace, it was different from any other, it was a 3D heart

It's beautiful. She said while giving him a kiss on the cheek

I got it for you when you told me you where leaving, actually I had it for quite a while, just waiting for the right time and I guess this is it

She look at him, he was being so sweet, he truly cared, to bad that they couldn't make it work in the past but right now, they would make it work

Here… he said while opening the little heart, showing a picture of the fab 4 and the other side of her family… I thought you would miss those people, and despite, what we went thought I hope you would miss me, like I know I would miss you… he said with his eyes looking to the ground, they still didn't knew how they would be, where they would stand, what if she still wanted to go with Jimmy… I know you have a lot to think about, but I want you to know one thing… I love you, and I'm here waiting for you… no matter what

Marissa saw all the love in his eyes, side by side with the sadness of the possibility of her leaving, right now she felt so torn part of her wanted to go away leave this town behing, but being so close to him again, after being so close to loosing him and him loosing her, they knew they couldn't be apart. But deep inside she still didn't knew what she wanted, what course she would choose she let out a deep sign, letting her eyes to the floor

Ryan I don't know what to do… I still don't feel ready to college; I know we said we would go together but I need to make up my mind…

I know… he said almost in a whisper… I just wish you didn't have to go away for a year, I know I might be selfish, but if to love you I have to be selfish I will… but deep inside I know I can't stop you, but I have one question… he said looking straight into her eyes

What?... she said as she saw the way he was looking to her, in a way like there was no one else, that the world could end and he would be happy, like all that mattered in the world was her no one else, just that thought of the why how he felt about her made her melt inside

Before you go, because I know you want to… with a hint of sadness in his voice… Would you go out with me on a date?

Of course I will… she said with a wide smile… When?

Two or three days before you go?

That sounds great. She said letting her head rest on his shoulder.

In the kitchen, Sandy and Jimmy were watching the two teenagers talking and complete falling in love, both of them thinking what was going in their minds, they needed to be together, after what they had spend, it would only be fair if they could be happy. They kept drinking their coffee, their eyes on the kids and their actions, noone of them could stop worring about what happened, that feeling of loosing someone so close, but specially so young with the future ahead of them.

Sandy: So when are you leaving? ´

Jimmy: I don't know I need to be on the boat by Saturday.

Sandy: And Marissa?

Jimmy: I don't know, she said she wanted to go but that was before…

He said pointing to the pool side and they saw the two of them kissing.

Sandy: I know what you mean, Seth is leaving next week, Ryan is leaving in January

Jimmy: wait he only goes in January…

Sandy: yeah

Then in their heads the same idea clicked, they wouldn't want to be apart and if they would be they would be devastated, the smile on their faces told them the same.

Each one talked to the other kid.

_Listen to your heart _

Marissa was sited on her bed with her legs folded, looking at some papers from Berkeley, she let out a small laugh thinking the distance between applying and now, funny how something never change, but then she would never expect for life to give those turns, for those bumps along the road, at that time things seemed a bit crazy, the kind of crazy that is all or nothing, and for them it seemed it was nothing, the juggling their relationship, she look at the pictures on her night stand, a small smile on her face, its been so long since those happy times, she couldn't help to wonder the future would be like that. She heard a small knock on the door, she quickly hide the shoe box under her bed. She unfold her legs sitting on the edge of the bed, letting her eyes on the door as Julie popped her head.

Sweetie, how are you?

I don't know… sure her relationship with her mother never was that perfect but right now it wasn't that awful, then the coma show another side of Julie that no one knew, it was the side that made Jimmy fall in love with her, years ago, she was more human, still the queen newpsie but more human than anyone thought it was possible

How is everything?... Julie really did wanted to know, she thought she had everything and almost loosing Marissa

Marissa just let a deep sign, the last few days had been intense, and she really didn't wanted her mother intruding, she just look at her without any words

Julie let a small smile appear in her lips.

Honey, do what your heart tell you… I know I'm not the most indicated person to say it, but do what he tells you, in some strange way it always leads to happiness… And if Ryan makes you happy, just work things out with him

Marissa could help to smile, a tender caring smile towards Julie, sure her mother was ruled by money, but her saying this meant more to her than anyone would ever know, it meant that she wanted her daughter to be happy.

And if you still want to go, I'm sure he will accept it. Julie said with her eyes on her entwine hands.

Marissa put her arm around her mothers shoulder, giving her a small kiss on the cheek

Thank you… I still don't know what I will do… I don't really know where I stand with Ryan, I want to be with him, but I also need to sort myself out, being in this coma show me that nothing in this life is granted and we should do what is right and always fight for what we want.

Marissa couldn't stop wondering about the last night Ryan kneeling at her feet telling her she was the love of his life, sure those weren't the exact words he used but she knew it was what he meant.

Mom if you don't mind I would like to sleep. But I want to ask you one favour

What?

If I go with Dad for a year or something like that, could you keep one eye on Ryan

Sure, sweetie. Julie got up giving Marissa a kiss on the forehead

Marissa laid on her bead, her eyes fluttering, seeing images of her memories, images of the time when she was in a coma, wondering what she would do, as her hands played with the heart Ryan had given her that afternoon.

Julie sat down on the couch, listening to Sandy and Neil talk with each other about the new hospital, then the phone rang and Neil excuse himself to answer it.

Sandy look to Julie who informed him of the situation, Sandy sign hoping that they would take the news well and won't think they were trying to separate them. They were great kids, very smart but they needed to do some thinking before escalating into something more deep and more real, althought it wouldn't get more real than them. Sandy recognize n their eyes the same love he had with Kirsten.

Ryan was lying in the pool house, Marissa had went to the Robert's house and Jimmy was staying there, since he had sold the boat and both Kirsten and Sandy had insisted he stayed there. It was now 3 am and Ryan could stop turning in his bead, he had already turn from one side to another, for more that he tried he couldn't sleep, there will be no way for his eyes to close and remain closed. So he jump off the bed, letting is cold feet to touch the cold ground, he put on some sweat shirt and went into the kitchen.

As he open the fridge and took a bottle of water, he felt someone coming his way, he closed the fridge and saw jimmy smiling at him, Ryan returned the smile, and sited at the table looking outside. Jimmy grabbed one bottle and sat by his side

So how are you?

Fine… he said it wasn't a total lie, he was fine in many ways, but he wasn't totally happy, the un definition on his relationship with Marissa, was taking something inside himself.

Jimmy saw he wasn't being totally true to him, but he knew he wouldn't open up, he was never the one to open up.

What are you planning on doing?

Don't know… what did that question meant, what would he do when he went to college, what was he planning to do about Marissa, what was he planning to do to himself, he was sure of what he wanted, in his life he wanted Architecture and Marissa, the rest it would sort it out.

Jimmy started to realise this would be harder than it seemed, everybody knew that Ryan was never talkative but this was a bit too much, sure he was there and answering but he would never gave a glimpse of how he felt, of how he was. Jimmy let out a deep sign, since he couldn't turn it around, he would have to be straight forward.

Kiddo, I thought I wouldn't have to be so straight but…

Yes… Ryan couldn't see where this was going, actually he could but he didn't wanted it to happen, he didn't want to no one to know how deep he had fallen and kept falling for her, but he couldn't leave now it would be rude and lead to the wrong answer.

How much do you love Marissa?

Ryan just look at Jimmy and remain in silence, wondering what kind of question was that, how could he answer he would give his life for her, that the strangest feeling he ever had was when she almost died in his arms, that he rather it was him, that he could never stand when she was hurt, or in pain.

Jimmy look at Ryan, he saw the love in his eyes and understand it all, it was the kind of love Jimmy had for Julie when they where young and that he shared with Hailey.

What if she wants to leave? Jimmy said

Ryan was taken back by this; he lets out a sign… I don't want her to leave, but I won't stop her, I know that she needs that peace for a while… just promise me one thing?

Jimmy was surprised by this, in small words Ryan had just admitted that he loved enough and the most important thing was her happiness even if it torn him inside, it also didn't meant he wouldn't try and stop her. Jimmy could see all the care he had… What do you want me to promise?

That you won't take your eyes from her, and won't let anyone hurt her.

Jimmy just nodded with his head as he watches the blond hair guy leave the kitchen to the pool house, knowing he would do what he could to make his girl safe and feel more loved everyday than the day before.

Jimmy made his way to the sink letting the bottle there and the glass, then he went to the phone and dialled for work, him and Sandy had already talked about this, it was for the best for all of them. They just hoped they would understand that and that they won't fight them too much. Their love was evident and they needed to be able to stand, being a less stubborn and decide what they want once for all, decided with each other.

_To everything there is a season… _

Ryan spent the entire day in the pool house, looking at some old pictures that he had, pictures from the last 3 years, sure there was a chance she would still want to go away and deep inside he knew he shouldn't let her go, but he couldn't stop her, if she needed to do that then he would be behind her 100. But he wouldn't let her go without a fight, not without her really knowing how he feels, sure he had told her but now he was going to show it and from now on this would be a different Attwood, specially a different Ryan Attwood.

He went into the kitchen area in the pool house, opening one closet taking the pencils and his drawing book, he grabbed one picture of her, opening the notebook and starting to drawn, sure Seth could drawn but also could Ryan, the difference was that Seth wanted to make a living out of it and Ryan no, Ryan wanted to drawn houses, chase is childhood dream and he was going to show her a different side of Ryan Attwood.

As time was going he was more and more excited with what he was planning, sure it was nothing fancy, but right now, what he wanted was to show her the simplicity of his love for her. Funny… how something that is so simple, can be so hard, so complicated.

Ryan spent the entire day, drawing, taking pictures (yes he was stealthier than Seth), putting pictures on the notebook he had been drawing, the blinds were down, so there was only light from inside, as he sat himself in the middle of the bed, his legs folded, pictures, glue, scissors around him, as he looked at the notebook, he felt a sense of proud, it was great, sure some of the drawings were lame, but, since he made them in kind of sketches, they had turned out really great, now all that was missing was the cover….

For more than he wanted to put a picture of the two of them, he knew there was a chance they wouldn't be together and that was eating him inside, but he promptly shook those thoughts away, sure they could be one messed up couple, but somehow, when they were together their mess was easier to deal, the only thing he would change was is mouth shout, sure sometimes it was easier to brood, sometimes it was easier to pick up the pieces, even when you see it all crushing down, even when you just pick them cause you want to….Every time he went into the house, he would lock the door, sure they had one open door policy but he wanted privacy, and with Seth entering the pool house at his own pleasure he wouldn't be able to prepare it right, and most of all he wouldn't surprise her, so the door was locked, with him ignoring Seth knocking on the door, ringing him, etc

After spending the entire day in the pool house Ryan decided to get out for a bit, as he as getting ready to jump in the shower, he grabbed is phone, dialling the number in speed dial 1, letting the phone ring a couple of times, before hearing the voice he was eager to hear.

_Hey _

He could feel is heart fast his beat as her voice came trough:

_Hey! How are you doing? What are you up to? _

_Fine, you? And I'm doing nothing_…. (he couldn't help to smile as his eyes were on the notebook that was on his nigh table, nothing he thought)

_I'm better now… _

_Why? _

_I'm hearing your voice _

She couldn't help to blush, but since the accident Ryan was acting "weird" like something was bothering him and he wouldn't say it, but she knew it, that accident had changed their way of seeing things, and all their fears seem so far away and the new ones that haunt them was new one. And she also knew she was acting strangely towards him.

_Marissa… hello! _

_Sorry, I got distracted… _

_No problem, I was wondering what are you doing for dinner_.

_Sorry but my mom wants me to have dinner with her.. _

_And after dinner? _

_Nothing, why? _

_I was wondering if you want to go grab some ice cream at the pier? _

_Ryan Attwood, are you asking me out… like a date_? She couldn't help to let a little laugh

_I… well… Sort of… _

_Ryan, I'm just kidding, I would like to. _

_Great I'll pick you in 2 hours!! _

_Make it 2 and a half! _

_Ok! _

And they both hang up the phone, both with a small smile on their faces, their eyes shining; seems they had a pact to take things slow.

Ryan he walked to his stereo putting it on, hearing Metallica's nothing else matters starting to blast through the columns went to take a bath, taking off his wife beater, then grabbing a towel from the cabinet, he enter the bathroom, looking at the mirror, he rubbed his face passing his hands on his hair, that was bit bigger, and look at himself and couldn't help to laugh, he couldn't believe in himself he was going on a date with Marissa Cooper, and he couldn't help to feel anxious, he was worse than the first time he went out with her. But this time he knew where he was going to take her, he left the water run letting the steam heat up the bathroom, putting his feet in the shower allowing the hot water to run through is body.

Marissa, put the phone on her night stand, with a smile plastered on her face, she went to her closet starting to take off some clothes and throwing them into the bed, while her radio kept on blasting Shakiras's new song "my hips don't lie", she couldn't help to smile.

She finally decided on some black jeans, a green sweater, the light green scarf and a black sweater, and finally some sport shoes, and then she let her blond hair hang loose as she went to taker a long shower, why did she felt the need to impress him.

Ryan got out of the bathroom; his hair in a mess, letting small droplets fall from his hair, rolling down is back, going down through, landing on the towel that was rapped around his waist, he started to listen to the song "Save Me" by Edguy's. he pull out some plain black shirt, some black jeans and his new pair of boots, then he grabbed one of his woo dies, going to the kitchen to eat something and then go get Marissa.

Marissa let the water fill the tub, putting some strawberry bobble bath, slipping her long legs into the tub, letting the warm water submerge her body, she laid there remembering the first date she went with Ryan, and by the time she finished thinking about that first date, she just hoped that this one would end up better, sure it still could go wrong so many ways but she would only know if she tried… and right now she owned herself to try. She got out of the bathroom, making her way to her bedroom, where she found Summer laying her bed, flopping her magazine, Summer raised one eyebrown to Marissa, but didn't to say anything, after all they went through for Summer seeing her best friend laughing, smiling, singing along to Pink's "Who Knew"

_So what's the reason to that happiness? _

_Well I'm going out with Ryan_. She couldn't help to smile at thinking of her "date"

Summer couldn't help to laugh.

_So where are you going? _

_We're going to eat some ice cream at the pier… _

_OOOh that's so mature…. For a 10 year old _

_Well I think its sweet! _

_And it is… well for Chino, that's an improvement_…

And with that she put on her clothes and made her way to the dinning room, with Summer.

_Like children on a lake… _

After dinner, Ryan and Marissa were walking down the pier, Ryan felt his hand grasping on hers, and has their bodies walked down the pier, their hands swinging with their bodies slowly letting his hand grab hers, felling his hand taking her, her long fingers entwining with his, feeling some chills down their spine. As he felt that she didn't pull her hand, and the she actually squeeze it a bit, he couldn't help to let a small smile creep in his lips, fighting the urge to turn and kiss her, still he stopped there was too many things on his mind, mostly what would happen between them, he for now and forever knew that no matter what he would love her and would do anything for her to be happy, no matter what it cost him.

She look at him, from the corner of her eye, seeing the smile that he had plastered on his face, that wasn't to big, but was the kind of smile just for being with her a sincere smile, one happy smile, the kind of smile that makes the other people just smile, she couldn't help to smile also, after seeing him smiling like that she just couldn't stop smiling.

The moon was raising, without a single cloud in the sky, the white glow reflecting in the ocean that was now standing in front of them, as they let go off each others hand, letting their bodies rest against the rail, just staying there seeing the moon, the stars and the water, above and below them.

"So" she trailed off breaking the silence that filled the air between them, letting a deep breath out.

He looked at her, his eyes totally sparkling, as he took her beauty, he opened his mouth but no sound came out at first…

"So… I don't get it" he mumbled, letting the words out as if he was speaking his thoughts out loud

"What?" She asked him with a puzzled face, wrinkling her nose, with one innocent smile with her.

"You always let me speechless… not that I do talk much…"

She couldn't help to laugh as his statement was true, he never did talk much although he was talking more than when she first met him, and since that day at the end of the Cohen's driveway, many things had changed for better and for worst, they were both different people, he had some resemble to that bad boy from Chino, and she still had the same spark of the Newport princess that she was, but those two people that were standing there watching the moon shine on the ocean, just enjoying their "friendship", for once the silence was enough for both of them, despite all the things that were running inside their minds.

"What are you planning on doing?" He asked her totally blunt, sure that was the question that he had been thinking since they had left the hospital, but in some way they were so wrapped with each other, even when they were apart there was a part of him that always had cared and should care for her.

"Honestly I don't know"- she told him setting her gaze was set on the water that was hitting the ocean, she let out another deep sigh…

"I don't know what to do" she stated, cause that wasn't a question, she wasn't asking for advice, she was actually saying that, but with such a determination.

He then realised that she was no longer the scared little girl that he was dating in October, that send her father away, she was actually a strong woman, much like her mother, but less a lot less scarier, and much, much kind hearted, like she had taken the best of her mother and the best of her father, and now it was just surfacing.

He took her hand on his, his fingers entwined with hers, slightly squeezing it, he couldn't help to look at her and smile, he shook his head the same smirk on his lips.

She look at him, seeing the smirk on his face, it wasn't like he was laughing at her, or cause of her, he smeed much happier than before, and the smirk was so sincere that she didn't knew if she should ask him why he was like that.

"Sorry, but, I think you already now the answer to what you want to do"

"Yeah I have a good idea, but…" she started and let her eyes rest on the old life guard stand

"But…. You're afraid of who will stay behind." He finished for her, cause he knew that feeling to well.

He didn't stop himself, cause if he did, then he would never be able to let it out, and more pain it could cause him he had to do it.

"I just want you to know, I understand why you have to do this" his eyes drifting from the sea, to her.

"Thanks" As her head turned to face him, she couldn't help to remember this conversation but the other way around, still as in that day there was a sweet breeze.

"But I wish you didn't have to"

"Me too"

Before she could continue, his let go of the cold rail, taking a place on her lips, before he pull her in one hug, letting those 3 words linger in he hear

"I love you" and then he buried his head on her shoulder.

This time she couldn't help to smile, despite the bitter tear that rolled down her cheek. And him this time, knew it could be a year 'till they see each other again, but, he also knew that they would be together eventually.

The end…..


End file.
